Common Grieving Myths

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, and also one of the most misunderstood. Despite how common loss is, many people still carry outdated beliefs about what grief should look like. These myths can make an already painful experience even harder. Let’s explore some of the most common grieving myths.

Myth #1: There are Five Stages of Grief & You Move Through Them in Order

‍Many people believe grief follows five neat stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model was introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying.

The truth:‍

Kübler-Ross originally developed these stages to describe the experiences of people facing their own terminal diagnoses, not those grieving a loved one. Grief is rarely linear. People may experience some of these emotions, none of them, or move back and forth between them over time. There is no checklist, no timeline, and no “right” order.

Myth #2: Grief Has a Set Timeline

You may hear phrases like:

• “It’s been a year — shouldn’t you be feeling better?”
• “Time heals all wounds.”

The Truth:‍

Grief doesn’t operate on a calendar. While its intensity often changes overtime, significant dates, milestones, and unexpected reminders can resurface emotions years later. Healing is not about getting over a loss, it’s about learning to carry it differently.

Myth #3: Being Strong Means Not Showing Emotion

Some cultures and families encourage people to “stay strong” and avoid crying or talking about their feelings.

 The Truth:‍

Suppressing grief doesn’t eliminate it, it often delays or complicates it. Emotional expression, whether through tears, conversation, journaling, or quiet reflection, is a healthy part of processing loss. Strength in grief often looks like vulnerability, not stoicism.

Myth #4: If You’re Not Crying, You’re Not Grieving

Grief does not have a single emotional signature. Some people cry openly. Others become quiet and task focused. Some even laugh while sharing memories.

The Truth:‍

There are many valid grieving styles. Psychologists often distinguish between:

Intuitive grieving (emotion-focused)
Instrumental grieving (action- or problem-solving–focused)

Both are normal. Neither is wrong.

Myth #5: Moving Forward Means Forgetting

Many people fear that healing somehow dishonors the person who died, especially after a parent, spouse, or child passes.

The Truth:

‍Modern grief research emphasizes the idea of continuing bonds, such as maintaining an ongoing inner relationship with the person who has died. Continuing bonds can coexist with growth and healing. This might include:

Talking to them internally
Honoring traditions
Supporting causes they cared about
Sharing stories with future generations

Myth #6: Grief Only Happens After a Death

Grief is often associated only with death, but it can also arise from:

• Terminal diagnoses
• Life-altering illness
• Major life transitions
• Anticipated loss

Families who choose whole-body donation or other end-of-life planning options may begin processing elements of grief long before a loss occurs. This is sometimes called anticipatory grief, and it is both common and valid.

The Truth:

Grief can begin long before a death occurs and can surface in many forms throughout life. Anticipatory grief, which is the mourning that happens when a loss is expected, is a natural emotional response to loving someone and recognizing that change or loss is coming. It can include sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, or even moments of peace and acceptance. Experiencing grief ahead of time does not mean you are giving up hope orgrieving too early, it means you are human and emotionally preparing for change.

Myth #7: You Should Grieve Alone

Some people withdraw because they don’t want to burden others, or because they believe grief is private.

The Truth:
Isolation can intensify suffering. Connection, whether through friends, family, faith communities, or grief support groups, can significantly improve emotional resilience. Humans are wired for social support, especially in times of loss.

When we misunderstand grief, we may unintentionally judge ourselves or others, minimize someone’s pain, or feel as though we’re grieving incorrectly. Compassionate education helps reduce stigma and creates space for people to process loss in ways that are healthy and deeply personal. Grief is not a problem to solve, it is a natural response to love and attachment. There is no perfect path, only a personal one.